The biggest decision I ever made was the one to become a mother. I had done all of the motherly duties, the motherly loving, stress, late night worries… and yet at the end of the day no matter how much I was deeply and truly in love with those adorable kids, they still weren’t my babies. And so I planned for it, I bought for it, I emerged myself in it… and yet I just wasn’t on board with it at all. I planned and purchased for five years… and never decided in all of that time to take the plunge.

Then one day, we were attending a funeral for the kids’ grandma, Beeta. Sitting there in the church I heard an overwhelming voice in my head that told me it was now. I didn’t have to listen, it was now. I didn’t have to choose, it was now. I didn’t have to plan, it was now. And I knew that voice was right. So we did it. We jumped in and I became pregnant that very first month.

I was so happy. All of that planning finally put to use. I kept up with my regular life of fitness, diet coke, chocolate bars, chicken and veggies… until I was out shopping at 13 1/2 weeks. I came home from the afternoon and I was suddenly panic stricken when I realized that for several hours I hadn’t even thought about the baby. I knew it right then and there… something was wrong. How could I not be connected to that amazing little being if she was still there. Over the next couple days I miscarried. I was heart broken and sick inside that I had done something horrible that caused it. That I had spent too many years planning, and not enough time had been spent actually living the moment.

Over the next several months I prodded through life. We were building a new house. I spent the days crying in bed, eating junk, and the nights crying in bed and eating junk. We finished building our house, even though my heart really wasn’t in it anymore. This all happened in October. And in January they finally finished the house and we moved in.

That first few weeks I finally started to come back to life, and that seemed to be apparent when in February I found out I was pregnant again. I used that to change my life — and it wasn’t for the better. I stopped working out. I stopped eating the way I had eaten and I started using “cravings” as the basis for why I needed to eat. That included driving through McDonalds because baby wanted french fries… and honestly when she was 14 months that was lie that had gotten out of control.

When she was almost 2 we went on vacation. The most important decision I ever made had become the biggest scam I would ever try to pull over on myself. I couldn’t change… I was a mom now. When I saw the pictures from vacation in December – I knew the lies had to end. I had to come face to face with what being a mom really meant. That mean living my truth. My truth and my purpose had nothing to do with the life I was leading. NOTHING! Yet I had to be the one to change it for me, and not for her. It wasn’t that I was meant to become a mother, that important decision I had made in that church was to stop waiting and start living. That was exactly what I needed to do, and what I had been running away from the entire time. The biggest decision I ever made really wasn’t what I had thought. It wasn’t to become a mother, it was to be me. To live my life, and to live my truth.

I still have days when I struggle with my truth, and have the urge to run away and quit living life. But I need to put one step in front of the other every day regardless in order to do what I was meant to do. What you do today, isn’t about anyone but you. No matter what you think – it really all comes back to that. It’s you. You came here and you’ll leave here – and every second of your life is on you. Make the important decision today to stop running, and start being.

Technorati Tags: life lessons, life path, Living, soul purpose, truth

It’s interesting that saying… when one door shuts another door opens… and so I wonder why do you need to shut something to let something it. It’s not necessarily that you are shutting something down. The truth is that you are releasing the truth. You have to have a truth in your heart, and to do that sometimes you have to be able to release that one thing that is blocking you in order to be able to find that truth. The truth – however – was never somewhere else. It was always with you. So you’re not shutting a door to open another. If anything it should read, “When one finds truth, the possibilities awaken.”

Think about your life. Think about that one thing that you’ve been struggling with for the longest time that you just can’t get beyond. That one thing – what does it stem from? Think about your truth. I can remember being very young and having sub for Santa. I knew that it wasn’t really Santa, and so I realized that day that there was never any Santa. Because if there had been a Santa why wouldn’t he have taken care of us on Christmas before. We were also on food tickets at school – and I remember my mom making all of our clothes, and that from day one I didn’t feel like I fit in. At some point I realized that I was poor. That was it. I was poor, and all things from then on were because of that. And because of all of that there was nothing much taking care of me out there in the big wide universe.

Now – as the years passed I became very awakened to the enlightened spiritual side of myself. In my teen years I started to sense thing, and started to know when things were going to happen. And when you are awakened you realize that there is much more than the big wide universe out there – and so I also started to think about what all of “that” was. And as I realized that I started to see more horizons… but believe me when I say that I had a very long journey still in front of me.

Every day I’m still walking on that journey – and when I have a moment of huge PUSH and feel like running, I have learned to stand my ground. That is the point when I have more awakened moments. That is the point when I realize that I was never alone, and that the universe is always linking all of us together. It is this truth that has kept me journeying for more truth. It’s all locked up inside of each of us. Some of us take longer to realize that, but if you can realize that you are a creator of anything you desire… then you will be all that you are here to be.

Forget doors, always leave the windows wide open, and always be ready to be awakened to your own truth!

Technorati Tags: awaken, inspiration, journey, truth

I often think about the things we say, the way we appear, the way others see us because of this. It’s interesting to see that what we are often showcasing is a bunch of bolgona and yet people see chicken. Right? It’s the smoke and mirror sort of effect in real life. So I thought about this today and I thought – what am I smoking people on and why?

First off… I think I often come across as being the super foodie. I eat loads of healthy food and I post about it often. But what I find is that if you put a cookie in front of me – and there is no corn or nuts in it.. I’m going to eat it and another one if I can find it. Then later I’m going to say, “I don’t understand why I’m just not losing much weight????” Been there lately? But if I were living a life of full truths, of full accountability I would be walking the walk and not just talking the talk. It’s the coach take your own coaching advice moment. I have these often. It’s like you’ve been sent to me just to make it clearer to me where I’m supposed to be heading.

So today I ask that you showcase the real bologna and not the chicken. Just pick on piece of bologna… you don’t have to give out the entire package today.

Technorati Tags: Coaching, life lessons, smoke and mirrors, truth